August 21, 2014

You're too sensitive.

Has anyone said this to you? 

I've heard it. Many many times. And I sort of let that label stick with me. 

It always had a bad connotation. Like I couldn't take criticism and anything people said I took too literally and was being too dramatic about it. Oh and this -- I always made everything about me. 

I thought this was normal until I got fed up with it and the way it was making me feel. I finally decided to take that label off. And cut the people who made me feel this way out of my life. 

The thing is, you can say anything to me. It's really the way you say it. 

Some people took this as I needed things sugar coated. I cut those people out of my life as well. Because if there is anything I really dislike about people is when they don't listen and instead either project or assume and label you.  

I'm at a funny, but good place in my life. Some people see me as almost a hermit. But I have surrounded myself with very few people. These are people who understand who I am, but who are also really great conversationalist and listeners. I used to think that many people had these qualities. It took many heartaches, betrayals and misunderstandings to find out that that's not the case. 

62 comments

  1. I used to hear this a lot too. I answer in a foul way by telling the person to eff-off. Irrefutability and ghastly rude I know but it often reveals that it is in fact them that are actually TOO SENSITIVE TOO! ahahaha

    I like you (I feel I say this a lot), am quite the hermit a bit of a recluse. But like I tell everyone else, my life may seem small to many, but by gosh it is vast in detail. Like yours too no?

    Lots of Love

    Y

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    1. yes very much so! i love the way you phrased that - vast in detail!

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  2. Hi Jane. I think it's very important to cut negative people out of your life (as you have) and to surround yourself with the right people (which you also have). It's one of the essential keys to happiness in my humble opinion :)

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  3. I know how you feel! :/
    Glad to hear though, that you have good people around you!

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  4. I used to hear it too. "I'd rather be sensitive than insensitive." is what I used to tell people who say that to me. Funny how they don't hang around when I start taking up for myself, lol! Like you, I've cut out many of those "bad" people out of my lives. They're not really my friends if they're treating me that way. I've been happier ever since. Life is far too short to put up with that.

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    1. i had something similar happen to me -- how when i started to stick up for myself people started to take that as me being too defensive. i think they were used to me being quiet and taking it and once i started to say something back they took it as me being rude. that always baffled me.

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  5. I think it's ok to be sensitive. I find myself being too sensitive at times and at specific matters. It used to be bother me but now, I've accepted it and just let it roll.

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    1. of course! i just don't understand when being sensitive is tied to something negative. i always felt more connected with people who were open with their feelings instead of people who hid it because they were afraid to show their insecurities or they were afraid of looking weak.

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  6. Ha! Boy do I get this!!!! I keep my circle very small and sometimes I get the "you need to meet and hang out with other moms thing". Nope. Got my close girls got my family and if things organically evolve with others down the path then they do but for now I enjoy my " hermit" days in my garden. Keeping it real friend.... That's what it's all about! Proud of you!! Happy day!! Nicole xo

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    1. high five nicole! i love that i'm meeting and connecting with folks who are similar :)

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  7. Used to get this all the time and like you I would probably still get it a lot of I didn't stop surrounding myself with those people.

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    1. i think it's important to surround myself with people who get me and who are on the same wavelength. i had a lot of people who like to "lecture" and tell me things. anything i said was a way for them to inject something like how i shouldn't be a certain way. which is fine but there were also people who dished it out but hated when people dished it back to them. i've cut those people out for sure.

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  8. I really feel this entry. I'm proud of you for cutting off negative people from your. I recently did the same with certain "friends", and I can tell you - it is an AMAZING feeling.

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    1. it is most certainly a good feeling. :)

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  9. People still say this to me, Jane. I tell you, being an introvert is a bonus most days because then, I don't have to deal with them. I'm also old, and have developed thick skin:P

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  10. Yup, it's total bullshit, and a form of gaslighting because it minimizes your feelings and makes you feel like there's something wrong with you for having feelings. Kudos for taking the people who treated you like this out of your life. No one deserves to feel like their feelings don't matter.

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  11. "Too sensitive" shouldn't even be a bad thing when you think about it, though. Like, even if you get upset over criticism, it just means you think about being a good person so much that it hurts you to find out you aren't perfect. And "too sensitive" is a wonderful thing to be when it comes to sunsets. ♥

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  12. I HATE the phrase "you're too sensitive". I'm not too anything buddy, I'm just enough, I'm me, I'm in love with me, and I don't need poison like you in my life. Of course, I can boldly state that now, but it took me a while, like you, I thought it was normal to have "friends" making me feel bad for being affected by things. Now I know that it is beautiful and it's one of the things about that I love. I really love this post and feel even more connected to you now that we are fellow sensitive sometimes hermit women haha

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    1. I love that; there's no such thing as "too".

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    2. i love this! i'm just enough is so true. xx just like what yasumi said, our world may seem small but the detail is vast! :)

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  13. Like so many other posts you have written, this one resonates with me as well. While people may not have said this exact phrase to me, they may as well have. I have often been told several things about myself that I later discover is not totally accurate. Sure, appearances are deceiving but, it took some time for me to know myself and when others injected their opinions, it played with my emotions and perception of myself. I wish I could say that I didn't take what others have said about me personally but, I did. I am a sensitive soul but not because I am weak but because I am an emotional being. I care…maybe a bit too much.

    I have also "cut" people out of my life. While I am by nature an introvert, I also like to surround myself with those who have a good heart and aren't judgmental on every action. It's tough…sometimes I wonder if I have limited myself to being open but, at the same time, I have been burned many times and as the saying goes, "fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me."

    xo,
    nancy

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    1. i have always felt closer with people who were true to their feelings and who weren't afraid to show it. i have met so many people who didn't show feelings or always said "it's not about feelings" and just could not deal with it. in the end it was their insecurities and they lashed out and put down those who were feelers as people who were being weak. at first i let them do damage but now i just don't have the capacity to deal with them anymore. we all have people who we connect with and feel good with.. they just aren't my type and i'm probably not theirs.

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  14. The phrase "you're too sensitive" should never be seen as a negative connotation. We need sensitive people in this world to control those people who think that speaking their mind all the time is okay. I feel like the older I have gotten the more I am starting to cut out those who aren't willing to accept me for who I am.
    xo TJ

    http://www.hislittlelady.com

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  15. Yes you know the older you get you realize what "true" friends are and how most people are not, and your time become more important to you and you do not need to have your time wasted by people who are not only a source of aggravation but they also do nothing to enhance you life. So why bother with them. I have gone through this kind of thing too, and have no regrets.

    Allie of ALLIE NYC
    allienyc.com

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    1. true friends and also just knowing who i want to spend time with. i'm just so much more aware and also determined to have my time not be spoiled by those who i don't get along with. in the past i just sucked it up and called it life but not anymore. i think that's been such a drastic change (for the good) for me.

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  16. Oh, I think we all have the RIGHT to chose people who has fair eyes to you. For a person with my age, lots of experiences p;-) Let enjoy your own life ignoring these people, Jane.

    Sending Lots of Love and Hugs from Japan, xoxo Miyako*

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  17. it sucks but it's part of life that sometimes we just grow apart from people. and if they were people who weren't treating you nicely then it's just natural to not want to be around them. hope you can surround yourself with a good support system! :)

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  18. I reckon most of the time when people say that, it's them trying to discount and invalidate your feelings. Which probably says more about them than about you.

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  19. I have not heard this from others, but I often think it of myself.

    7% Solution

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  20. I hear this from others all the time, and sadly it has also become something I think of myself. I think I need to take a leaf out of your book, and realize that I need to let people who label me as such that it's not okay, and if they don't get that they can definitely rephrase the way they speak to me, then I need to cut the toxic out of my life.

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    1. :) here's to cutting toxic out of life!

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  21. I hear it from people all the time as well. I am a happy person all the time really, but sometimes I have sad days or get annoyed when people take my quietness as way to step all over me and when I defend myself - I am too sensitive and whatever else, but when these things happen to others they want me to listen to them and agree. Its not easy for people like us. Its not that I can't stick up for myself, I just feel a lot. People think its not ok to have feelings or to feel things, but they don't realise that it is feelings that make us the strongest of all :) Happy weekend doll xx

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    1. So glad you understand. It's been a frustrating few years with a few folks I've known but it's been pretty neat to find folks who speak my language. :)

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  22. You did the right thing in cutting those people off who labels
    you this way. If people don't treat you well then it's their
    lose. I think are a beautiful spirit Jane, hermit or not! Xx

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  23. hugs, Jane. & high five for taking out the negative people out of your life! xx

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  24. I'm like you in that you can say anything to be but it's in the way you say it and if it's meant to be negative instead of constructive it will probably set me off. You did the right thing to cut out the negativity. It's better to have fewer friends who truly understand you than a slew who don't get you at all.

    Rowena @ rolala loves

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    1. yes! it literally is that. i hate when people sugar coat to ultimately undermine you or people who just come off like real jerks from the start. especially for folks who think they have good communications skills. i've come to realize that listening, speaking are such special skills because there are so many different personality types out there that not a lot of people possess them.

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  25. It is so important for you to be surrounded by super lovely people who genuinely cares about you. I've had people making assumptions about me, as much as it is offensive I swept it under the rug until it got too much and then I had to cut those people off my life. And guess what, I feel so much better. Now I am more mindful who is in my life and surrounding myself with best people is the best thing I've ever done.

    Proud of you Jane!

    Katrina Sophia

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    1. Good for you Katrina. Certain personality types mesh better with others -- I'm glad you found yours and that I found mine as well :)

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  26. My husband says this to me all the time ;). But I let it roll off my back because HE'S also sensitive. Thing is, we are just sensitive about certain things, not EVERYTHING, right? Glad you got rid of those people. Life is too short to be around people who don't listen and appreciate you for who you are.

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  27. That sounds like a good place to be in Jane.

    Buckets & Spades

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  28. *hand up* that's definitely me Jane :) I actually had to tell my family to not be too critical with me because I take things to heart - I often think it's impossible for me to ever have a thick skin and just to love myself how I am.

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    1. i think it's hard to develop thick skin as well :)

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  29. I was that way when I was younger. I had to delete people out of my life because many were superficial and not healthy. Always do what's best for you!

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  30. My mum has been telling me that since I was a little girl! I'm now at that stage of my life where I've decided to be more selective about who I surround myself with. It's a good thing and part of maturing I think.

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  31. When I was younger and in school, I don't have many friends and I always thought I'm such an outcast. Later in life, I realize that I don't have to have many friends. Just few of those that would be there when I need them and just as much as I would be there for them when they need me. That's good enough.

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  32. I can't agree more with this Jane, I definitely want to be surrounded by the few people that really care for us; being sensitive has to always be a good thing. Love to read your words & thoughts.

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