November 27, 2015

The day after

How was your Thanksgiving? 

Ours was so low key that we almost passed up on making that galbijjim and just eating a dish that our friends dropped off. We weren't expecting it and it was such a nice surprise. 

Thanksgiving was kind of a peculiar day for us.

I found out first thing in the morning that I wasn't pregnant. I kind of had an inkling but it was confirmed.. and the moment when things get confirmed, my heart and shoulders get slightly heavy and I think, how the hell are we going to do this again. It kind of gets tiring, this whole "trying to get pregnant" business. 

But I moved on - this month {thankfully} wasn't about getting angry or being sad and crying... although there were actually two moments during the day when I did just want to cry and cry and cry some more. But no tears came out. Dry as a desert. Which is kind of funny because the day before when I was watching Ratatouille on TV I ended up bawling. I don't even remember which scene it was. 

And so by the time we woke up, took all the dogs out so they can do their morning business, wipe and clean their paws, feed them, give them their water and place them in their favorite spots on soft, warm blankets, it was time for the Macy's Day Parade on TV. 9 am. Which we watched all but 15 minutes of. 

Yangkyu ended up doing some yard work - raking and mowing the lawn for the last time of the year. We then became couch potatoes and caught up on our favorite Korean shows. And then it was time to get our dinner started -- Yangkyu offered to cook while I took the dogs out again, wiped and cleaned their paws and fed them. I helped with doing the dishes, too. Then it was time to edit photos and email updates on all four dogs who are staying with us currently. 

We had dinner late. At 8 pm. And then afterwards we turned on the Sound of Music. But we both were so tired that we called it a night at 11 pm just after when Maria and Captain Von Trapp danced The Landler. No puzzle pieces. No board games. Just a long process of letting the dogs out one last time, wiping and cleaning their paws and getting them all situated upstairs and then finally lights out. 11:40 pm.

And that was our Thanksgiving. It felt a little tiring. It felt a little off. Perhaps we should've done what we have always been doing in terms of cooking -- Yangkyu kept saying how much he wanted mashed potatoes. 

But today is certainly a new day. And not to sound cheesy, but the day just looks brighter. The sights and sounds -- they don't seem blurry or muffled. 

We are continuing on with being rebels and breaking tradition yet again by not putting up our tree until next week when all the guest dogs have gone. Our tree usually goes up right away, the day after Thanksgiving. But I want to pick out the tree together, with Piri of course. 

Thanksgiving hasn't really been a favorite holiday of mine. Sometimes the gathering of families makes me terribly sad that I can't be with my own. And it sometimes reminds me of the rough past we had when we all didn't really know how to deal with my mother's mental illness. And Thanksgiving hasn't been big in my family - it wasn't a holiday that we incorporated as an immigrant family - but Christmas has always been special, especially during my childhood. And so I always have kind of looked at Thanksgiving as this one hump we have to get over to start embracing all that Christmas charm.

And it's finally here! It's the day after. 

As soon as I press the "publish" button on this blog post, I'm turning on Christmas music and doing silly dance moves that I can only do in front of dogs because they won't tell anybody how terrible I am. Because they're kinda loyal that way {not because they can't talk - heh}. 

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