August 1, 2017

Crepe Myrtles in July

We have a Crepe Myrtle in our front yard. And we wait for July every year to see it bloom. We are always mindful to trim it but it seems to bloom even bigger than the year before. 

I know some might think I'm beating a dead horse, but I am still having a hard time reconciling my emotions from yesterday from that post about Kinokuniya Bookstore. I'm almost afraid to even continue to talk about it because I'm afraid of all different kinds of judgement -- did people think I overacted? that I sounded too unpolished? What's with the typos? Why is she so angry? She left a comment online - what did she expect? People online can be assholes. Move on. Who cares.

The thing is, I let a lot of things slide. There were and are many times in my life where I don't say anything, where I just marched on because it isn't worth it. Because I don't want to stoop to that level. Because I don't want to get in a situation where it gets tense with another person. Because I don't want to hurt their feelings like how my feelings were hurt. Because that person doesn't know any better. Because that person didn't mean it. 

But somewhere I drew the line with certain things -- 1. social issues that mattered to me and my family and 2. misguided mocking and criticizing of my family. Sometimes the petty ones are the ones that make me more angry. Because they are so petty. Because to me someone acting so dumb and shallow without realizing the consequences it may have on others is just so unfathomable. And irresponsible. Perhaps it's because sometimes I give the benefit of the doubt to everyone and their grandmothers. And think about everyone's feelings in-between. Perhaps a little part of me feels slighted and tired - why am I always trying to think best of others, or understand others when others don't do the same? And then I get angry. Well, if everyone is like this online, then I will be too. And I can't let go until I get an apology or until I hurt them just as I had been hurt. 

I reached out to both commenters yesterday. The one that kept on giving me the hilarious emoji sign gave a sad crying one after I told him more about what happened. That was it for me and I can't be bothered with him any more. I wrote to the other person as well in a more calm manner. I didn't hear a response back and I guess I don't need to. I said what I needed to say. But for someone who has probably faced ridicule and discrimination, it's funny how he can be so mocking of others.

Look, you can see the whole review as a person who just seems really upset that she couldn't bring a dog into a bookstore in a dog stroller. Haha. So funny. But perhaps there is more to the story. Or perhaps you can look at it from a store policy point of view. Would that be ok to you? 

But the fact of the matter was that dog was a 17 year old dog with cancer and kidney disease and we were on our last trip to NY, our old stomping grounds, to make memories with him before he crossed the rainbow bridge. Piri died 14 days later. We were told one thing than another. 

I think more than the trolls, it's the unexpected response from friends that hurt too. The, "oh my God, who cares. You're overacting." The "well, that's the Internet. If you don't want to be trolled, stop putting so many things online." 

When friends throw the blame back on you, that's when it hurts more. And I keep talking about it until I find that one person who says, "Man.. that sucks. What an idiot. Let him hear it from you." 

That one simple genuine reaction just makes it better. And I end up dropping it. 

Perhaps I'm weird.

I kept wondering if I should pull the post from yesterday. Was it too reactive? Maybe I should have  cooled down first. Then I wondered if I should just post some filler posts and bury the angry one further down so that people won't find it. 

But with all things, I need a good closure.

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